:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
