it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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