he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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