I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
