Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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