Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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