Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
