You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
