I'm so fucking centered right now
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
