Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
