How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
