nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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