i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
