I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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