the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
