There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
