shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
