Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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