I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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