don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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