so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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