conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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