I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize