Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize