yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
