If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
