you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
