OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
