Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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