I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish you could order shots online.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
