I'm pants shitting drunk right now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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