she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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