Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
