I'm going to jail i love you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
