He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
