her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My first STD was from a foam party
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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