The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
