shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we should paint friendship bongs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
