I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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