he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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