Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
