apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
