pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jerry, you need to find god
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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