Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
