You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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