So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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