Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
