Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
