But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
