dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
