you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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