The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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