You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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