I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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