I can tuck mytits in my pants
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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