Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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