Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
