Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
