he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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